When boxers go missing
by Auska
Summary: This fic is about the adventures of a cuddly pair of Oliver Wood's boxers! I hope you like it as much as i liked writing it (oh how cliche') READ AND REVIEW! FINISHED!!!
1. the boxers first aventure

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot! It's not very good but it's my first HP fic so please be kind and review!  
  
  
  
"Haarrrry!" moaned Hermoine "You and Ron shouldn't be doing that, it's cheating!"  
  
"Where not cheating!" replied Ron angrily "Honestly you'd think she was a teacher"  
  
Harry didn't reply his head buried in a Quiditch book that Wood had leant him. There was a big match against Slytherin and Harry didn't want to loose to Malfoy. He and Draco had been enemies since they met there first day of Hogworts (or getting fitted for there robes depends as is said in the book) and after his father payed for him to get into the Quiditch team Harry was determined to prove to everyone why he wasn't actually chosen.  
  
"I am in soooo much trouble," said Hermoine dropping a piece of parchment she had been writing on.  
  
"Why?" asked Ron  
  
"I haven't done the potions assignment!" confessed Hermoine. Ron and Harry's jaws nearly hit the ground. Not only was it shocking that Hermoine hadn't done her assignment but they didn't even know they had an assignment.  
  
"You should've seen your faces!" laughed Hermoine.  
  
"That was NOT funny Hermoine!" said Ron slamming his fist on the desk in the library. Harry didn't say anything. He was becoming used to Hermoine's evil tricks that she had begun playing about a month ago. He just didn't know why. He figured best not to ask and just acted as though it was normal.  
  
"Hey Potter!" called a familiar voice, which made Harry turn around.  
  
"Oh hi Wood! I'm not quite finished with your book!" replied Harry.  
  
"That's not why I'm here," said Wood sitting down next to Harry "I have to ask you something,"  
  
Harry noticed the paranoid look on Wood's face as he looked around frantically.  
  
"Is everything alright Oliver?" ask Harry.  
  
"Well it's like this Harry, I was going to get dressed in the dormitory and discovered someone had stolen my boxers, so I had to pull my pants on like this and go looking for whoever stole them." Said Wood  
  
"So you're not wearing anything under your pants?" asked Harry  
  
"Nope!" replied Wood. Harry Jumped off his seat and held the Quiditch book between him and Oliver.  
  
"Sit down Harry," hissed Oliver "You're drawing attention to yourself, no to mention me!"  
  
"Sorry but your going camando!" replied Harry a look of disgust on his face.  
  
"It's not contagious and anyway even if it was it's a bit late for you to catch it isn't it!" replied Wood, Harry nodded.  
  
"Well?" asked Wood  
  
"Well what?"  
  
"Do you know who stole them?"  
  
"No! I can't say I ask everyone I see if they've stolen Oliver Woods boxer shorts, should I do that in future?" asked Harry sarcastically.  
  
"Well, if you see them, give me a yell!" replied Wood.  
  
"What was that all about?" asked Hermoine  
  
"Quiditch business," replied Harry who continued reading the book.  
  
Before Harry could say Snape's butt is big and ugly, the day of the match had rolled around and Harry was more nervous than he'd ever been in his life. Even more nervous than when he battled Voldermort. In fact if you compiled all his nerves from their 3 encounters that would not come close to the nerves that Harry was experiencing at this very moment. Though the first time he face Voldermort he was to busy perving on his mum (he could see up her skirt) the second time he was attached to the back of his defence against the dark arts teachers head and the third time… Well Harry couldn't really remember the third time, but that wasn't relevant. What was important was that they HAD to beat Slytherin. Harry headed to the Gryffindor change rooms expecting a big motivational speech from Wood, the captain of there team but instead he found him sitting in the corner with Angelina, Alicia and Katie were huddled around him. Harry wondered if Wood had gotten his boxers back. Though if he hadn't that would explain why the girls were crowding him, he'd heard many tales of Wood and his… Wizard- hood.  
  
"Oh hi Harry," said Fred… No George… No Fred… Ah it was one of them.  
  
"Hi!" replied Harry before changing into his Quiditch robe.  
  
"Ready for the big game?" asked Wood after escaping the girls.  
  
"Yeah!" replied Harry half-heartedly  
  
"What's the matter Potter?" asked Wood  
  
"Nothing, just nervous!" replied Harry.  
  
"Well you'll be happy too know I have retrieved my missing boxers," replied Wood.  
  
"Where were they?" asked Harry. Wood didn't say anything but looked over to the three girls who were giggling and waving at Wood like giddy teenage girls who had never seen a cute guy before.  
  
"Well, good luck!" said Wood walking over to the entrance to the field. The Weasley twins, Angelina, Katie, Alicia and Harry soon joined him. Then the gates opened and they flew out onto the pitch. Harry circled over head looking at the crowd, which had become somewhat of a ritual that he did before games. Then the Slytherin team flew out and he saw Draco Malfoy waving to someone in the crowd but he couldn't quite make out who it was.  
  
The game began and Angelina was first to grab the quaffle and flew down to the goal. She narrowly missed a bludger that Fred (or George) had accidentally fired in her direction. She then threw the quaffle into the goal.  
  
"Angelina scores 10 points to Gryffindor!" shouted Lee Jordan, the Hogworts Quiditch commentator. Then Marcus Flint grabbed the quaffle and shot down to the goal and threw the quaffle and he looked like scoring but Wood appeared out of nowhere and saved it. He then did his infamous look that he did Harry's first year at Hogworts when stopping Slytherin from scoring. Girls in the crowd fainted (even some of the guys swooned!).  
  
Then Harry saw something gold flickering over near where the Gryffindor supporters were sitting Harry shot towards it at 100 miles an hour and strangely enough Malfoy didn't follow him. When Harry got closer he saw it wasn't actually the snitch but Hermoine holding up a piece of shinny gold paper and laughing evilly to herself when she saw the look of disappointment on Harry's face. Harry turned around and headed back to where he normally waited but then Madam Hooch's whistle blew and he heard Lee Jordan shout, "Malfoy has caught the golden snitch"  
  
"Slytherin wins!" shouted Madam Hooch. Harry felt like crying, in fact he did much to the amusement of Malfoy and Flint who were circling him singing "Harry didn't catch the snitch, Harry didn't catch the snitch!"  
  
"Harry, Harry!"  
  
Harry could hear voices calling him and he slowly opened his eyes to find himself in the Gryffindor change room and Wood was leaning over him.  
  
"Alright there mate?" he asked.  
  
"I'm really sorry Wood, I should've caught the snitch I wasn't paying attention!" said Harry quickly trying to think of an excuse before Wood bashed the magic out of him.  
  
"Harry we haven't played yet! You fell asleep!" replied Wood. Harry looked around to see he was sitting in the Library with his head in the Quiditch book.  
  
I probably should've warned you that if you read that book for a long period of time and don't take a break it makes you dream about loosing a Quiditch match. Happened to me a couple of times. I was reading in bed and I fell asleep and I was so angry I tore all the curtains around my bed down.  
  
"Phew!" sighed Harry.  
  
" I just came to tell you that I have recovered my boxers!" said Wood holding up a pair of pink boxers with lil' teddy bears all on them.  
  
"AAHH!" he shouted when he saw what he was holding. Harry nearly fell off his chair laughing.  
  
"There…They're… Not mine I swear!" stuttered Wood in disbelief. He could here someone sniggering behind him and turned to see Hermoine holing his actual boxers in one hand and her wand in the other. Wood then snatched his boxers threw the teddy ones at her and stormed off.  
  
"What's gotten into you?" asked Harry looking at Hermoine in shock.  
  
"No-one!" replied Hermoine sounding very guilty.  
  
"I didn't ask who was…" began Harry before he trailed off when he saw Malfoy (with his Crabbes and Goyles) walk in with a smug look on his face.  
  
"Hi Hermoine!" said Malfoy putting his arm on her shoulder. Harry's jaw hit the ground as Hermoine and Draco walked away arm in arm like they'd be friends (or more) for years!  
  
And until next time my furry friends (damn Alz-chan) if you review I'll update quickly! 


	2. the second adventure of boxers (and othe...

Thanks to everyone who reviewed my fic! I'll try and updated as fast as I can and seen as I got school holidays in (counts on hand) erm just about a week, I should get more chapters up quickly…Hopefully! Anyways I'll try my best and if anyone has any ideas or that if somewhere my fic is heading sucks please tell me so I ca fix it! :) Again I only own the plot so… yeah!  
  
  
  
Harry stood staring after Malfoy and Hermoine as the walked out of the library. Was he in some kind of alternate universe or something? Hermoine HATED Malfoy and Malfoy HATED Hermoine. Why all of a sudden were they hugging and holding hands and… Harry shuddered at the thought of all the other things they could've been doing. 'Were only 14, only 14!' he kept reminding himself as he walked to the Great Hall for dinner. When he entered the hall Hermoine was over at the Slytherin table talking to Draco and Ron was chatting up a Ravenclaw girl (or at least he thought it was a girl) so he decided he'd go have a chat with Wood.  
  
"Hiya Harry!" said Wood as Harry sat down and put the book on the table in front of him. "Still reading the book I see,"  
  
"Yeah, I really wanna beat Malfoy!" replied Harry opening the book the last page he had read.  
  
"Why? Cause he's going out with Hermoine?" asked Wood winking at Harry.  
  
"What do you mean by that?" asked Harry defensively  
  
"I've seen you checking her out Harry!" replied Wood "I don't blame you, she'll be a fine young woman, once she grows up a bit!"  
  
"I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON HERMOINE!" screamed Harry and just as he said it the whole hall went quiet, everyone heard what he had said. Malfoy put his arm around Hermoine as though he was worried that Harry would run over to them and sweep her off her feet and take her away. Harry was turning 101 different shades of red (there's probably not that many but his face was RED!) as he looked around at the questioning looks everyone was giving him. Just then the food was on the table and everyone was either running back to join their house or digging in so what Harry had said was soon forgotten. Though Hermoine kept glancing over in his direction as though at any moment he would leap across the table and kiss her. Ron saw what was going on and leant over to Harry and whispered "Why didn't ya tell me mate?"  
  
"Tell you what?" asked Harry not quite in a whisper  
  
"About you liking Hermoine!" replied Ron  
  
"I DON'T!" shouted Harry.  
  
"Okay, Okay! But ya know if ya wanna talk about anything, My beds across from yours," replied Ron who continued to ho into the food.  
  
After dinner some of them stayed in the Great Hall for a while before going to bed. Harry stayed and continued to read when to large lumps parked themselves on either side of him.  
  
"Listen guys, I DON'T like Hermoine so if Malfoy's sent you to kick my ass there's really no need to!" he said looking back and forth between Crabbe and Goyles intimidating faces.  
  
"That's not exactly why we're here," replied Crabbe. "But it is about Malfoy and Hermoine,"  
  
"I don't know anything, I've only seen them together," replied Harry who tried to continue reading his book.  
  
"Well doesn't it bother you?" asked Goyle  
  
"Yeah But what can I do about it?" asked Harry  
  
"We have a plan." Crabbe and Goyle both said.  
  
"What kinda plan?" asked Harry not looking up from the book.  
  
"Let's just say it's a plan that'll embarrass the crap outta Malfoy," replied Goyle  
  
"I'm listening," said Harry closing his book  
  
"Well it's like this," began Goyle and they started whispering so that know one else in the hall (Seamus and Neville) couldn't hear.  
  
"That's bloody brilliant!" laughed Harry  
  
"Hey that's my line!" said Ron sticking his head around the corner  
  
" Sorry mate!" replied Harry before Ron disappeared.  
  
  
  
The next morning was the day of the Quiditch match (for real this time!) and Harry was as nervous as he had been in his nightmare. Every morning before the game he usually had Hermoine saying, "Eat your breakfast Harry!" "You need your energy!" but this morning was different she was sitting next to Malfoy running her hands over his wax and gel covered blonde hair (due to amount of gel, wax and Malfoy's obsession with his hair she was unable to run her hands THREW his hair). She didn't even seem to be pestering him either just staring at him lovingly; it was enough to make Harry hurl!  
  
"Ready to kick Malfoy's rich ass?" asked Ron  
  
"No!" stuttered Harry as he tried to eat some bacon.  
  
"You'll be fine mate!" replied Ron "Remember it's in your blood,"  
  
When Ron said that Harry remembered when Hermoine had taken him and Ron to the trophy room to show him that his father, James, was once the Gryffindor seeker. He quickly shoved the thought away and shovelled food into his mouth. When he'd finished he stood and said, "I'm going to change, see ya later," and with that he headed to the Gryffindor locker room to change into his Quiditch robe. He was first there and first ready so while he waited for the others all he could do was think about Crabbe and Goyles master plan. He smiled to himself when he thought of the hell Malfoy would go through. But then he realised, Crabbe and Goyle are Malfoy's best friends they'd never do anything like this to him, what if the joke was on him? What if it was all a sick plan to get back at Harry? Before he could think to hard about all this Wood called out "Alright let's go!" so they grabbed their brooms and headed for the gate. He flew out onto the team and was relieved to see Hermoine and Ron standing among the Gryffindors with Hagrid. Hermoine had Hagrid's huge binoculars but wasn't looking at Harry, she was actually looking at "Wood?" he said aloud before nearly falling off his broom in surprise. It wasn't just the fact that she was looking at him it was the evil grin that spread across her face as she did "She wouldn't" he muttered to himself  
  
"Would she?" he thought. He flew over so he was closer to Wood and said "Be careful mate!"  
  
"Careful's my middle name," said Wood in a Sean Connery/ James Bond voice. Harry then flew over to the Weasley twins, "Can you guys keep an eye one Wood for me?"  
  
"Why, you worried about him getting hurt?" asked Fred  
  
"Yeah," replied Harry  
  
"Harry, you don't have a thing for Wood do you?" asked George  
  
"Bloody hell no! Why does everyone think I have a thing for everyone else," growled Harry as he flew over to take position for the game.  
  
Malfoy had flown out onto the pitch and was waving at Hermoine while Crabbe and Goyle sat grumpily with their arms folded across their chests.  
  
Then Madam Hooch walked out and started the game. Just like in Harry's dream/nightmare/thing Angelina was first to grab the quaffle and first to score. He could hear Wood cheering and Wahooing in the background while Malfoy muttered something along the lines of 'dirty cheating ho!' but Harry couldn't be sure that's what he said. In fact he couldn't be sure about anything with Malfoy OR Hermoine any more. But he couldn't think of that know, he had a golden snitch to catch. He tried to watch the game AND look for the snitch, which often could prove to be quite a difficult task because often Quiditch was very fast paced and you'd have to watch carefully to catch everything. Malfoy flew up and stopped beside Harry a look of anger on his face. "You better keep your hands of Hermoine or they'll be trouble," he said not looking at him but looking around the ground.  
  
"No problem muffin!" replied Harry before he flew off.  
  
"What did you call me???!!!" screamed Malfoy. Harry looked around the crowd and saw Professor Lupin sitting in the crowd and waved at him before continuing to look for the lil' snitch.  
  
When he looked back at the Slytherin crowd Crabbe and Goyle had gone and Harry prayed that the prank they were about to pull was indeed on Malfoy as was planned and that he hadn't fallen for a sick joke. The score was 50/10 in Gryffindors favour and as Harry looked around the ground he spotted it, the golden snitch. He kicked hard and flew as fast as his Firebolt would take him (pretty bloody fast) and reached out and grabbed the snitch. He had won the game for Gryffindor, and more importantly beat Malfoy. The look of Disappointment on Malfoy's face was enough without what was too come but he was also very excited (and nervous) to see the reaction to what Crabbe and Goyle had in tore for Malfoy when they returned to the Great Hall. After showering and changing into clean clothes Harry headed up with everyone else in Gryffindor to the Great Hall. When they walked in the saw that Crabbe and Goyle hadn't finished so he decided that before they go to the Hall they should celebrate in the Gryffindor common room. No one argued cause they were so excited that they'd beaten Slytherin. They all gathered around talking about how wonderful the match was and how they couldn't wait to laugh at Slytherin as they walked into the Great Hall, the only problem is that's when Hermoine would be walking in. 'Ah well!' thought Harry 'If she wants to love a Slytherin she can suffer with 'em as well'. About half an hour later they decided they should go to the hall and surprisingly were the first ones there (not including Crabbe and Goyle who were hiding) they all looked up above the Slytherin table were something was hovering, everyone moved closer to see what it was and all had fits of laughter when they saw what it was. Finally Slytherin walked in and when Malfoy saw what was above their table he screamed profanities that would've made Eminem blush.  
  
"POTTER!" he shouted, "Did you do this?"  
  
"He couldn't have, he was with us the whole time," said Fred and George putting there arms around Harry's shoulders so they didn't fall over laughing.  
  
"Then it must've been… HERMOINE!!!!" screamed Malfoy storming over to the table in which she sat, oblivious to what was hovering above Slytherin table. The teachers walked in and even Snape found the fact that the pink fluffy g-strings (more than one pair I might add) and handcuffs that flouted above the Slytherin table with a message saying 'You left these in my dorm muffin! You really should be more careful with things like this Draco! Tutt, tutt!" was rather amusing indeed. Crabbe and Goyle walked over to Harry who had only one question for them "Are they really muffins, I mean Malfoy's things?"  
  
"Sadly enough they are!" laughed Crabbe  
  
"I don't wanna know how you know that!" replied Harry a look of terror on his face.  
  
"Harry were in his dorm, we've seen far scarier and smaller things of Malfoy's than that!" replied Goyle. Harry simply shuddered and walked to were Ron stood laughing his head off.  
  
"Brilliant mate, just bloody brilliant!" he said "Wish I'd thought of it!"  
  
Harry didn't say anything but smiled an evil smile and went to sit at the Gryffindor table.  
  
  
  
I think I got a bit carried away with this chapter and I didn't even have coke and hot 30 this time (OMG Shock Horror!) Well I hope everyone liked it! Review's welcomed (hint, hint)! Anyways I again will try to write the next chapter soon, if I can be bothered! Also thanks again to everyone who reviewed and/or liked my fic! Read my others if ya get a chance  
  
- Luv Me!!! 


	3. more adventures for the boxers and thing...

Yes I've writing the third chapter! Because of all the stuff ups with ff.net lately I haven't been able to upload them as quickly as I'd like but what are you gonna do! Well I hope you enjoy this chapter which will probably be just some mindless dribbling but hey should be funny. I think! (Now there's a scary concept!) Warning: My fic seems to be getting ruder and ruder as I go along though it's not intentional it just happens! :) So if it offends you or u think it's to rude STOP READING!  
  
No matter how hard Mr. Filch tried he couldn't get Malfoy's 'things' down from above the Slytherin table where they were floating decorations and amusement for everyone. Everyone that is except for Draco who was fuming as he stood and looked at the things hung above his houses table. "Wanna know the best bit?" asked Goyle. "Can it get any better?" laughed Harry. "The only two ways they'll is if we take the charm off or if Malfoy admits there his and gets them down himself" replied Crabbe. "Ingenious!" Shouted Harry wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes. He looked over to see Hermoine and Draco bickering like an old couple and Snape who had now stopped laughing was helping Filch try and get the decorations down.  
  
After a week of Malfoy refusing to admit they were his, the G-strings and handcuffs continued to hover in the great hall. One night during dinner they all came toppling down on top of him and own of the handcuffs fell into his soup. Harry saw Crabbe slid his wand into his pocket as the hall erupted in laughter. Hermoine, after breaking up with Malfoy, was back to her normal school obsessed, kind (sorta) self. "Honestly you two, I have far more homework put together yet I manage to finish ALL my homework before you, why is that?" asked Hermoine smugly as she watched Harry and Ron frantically try and finish a potions assignment they'd been given a week before. "Well you don't have a teacher predicting your death do you!" replied Harry "What does that have to do with Ingredients of a successful antidote?" asked Hermoine reading the top of her assignment parchment and giving them an 'I'm right your wrong' look. Ron muttered something under his breath that sounded like 'stupid lil' smart-ass' though Harry was sure what he'd said was far more rude than that.  
  
THE NEXT DAY  
  
Harry and Ron got ready for Double Divination while Hermoine had Arithmancy and Muggle Studies. "I really can't handle Professor Trelawney looking at me as though I could drop dead any second. I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me," sighed Harry. "Hey Harry, have you figured out why the Dementors make you faint yet?" asked Ron "He's probably attracted to them and they make him pass out," said a cold and evil voice. "Your very cocky today Malfoy!" grinned Harry as an evil thought formulated in his head " Though from the look of those G Strings you wouldn't fit a whole lot in 'em so your probably just compensating!" Crabbe and Goyle had gone back to hating Harry & Co but couldn't help smiling to themselves as they remembered the night, one week ago, when Malfoy got majorly shamed. "Sod off Potter, you don't take Arithmancy so why are you here? Looking for Hermoine?" retorted Malfoy and it was obvious it took him along time to come up with just that. "Well considering this is the Divination room and Arithmancy's down there I won't dignify that with an answer!" laughed Harry. Malfoy was speechless (shocking but true) and left, only growling as he walked down the hall followed closely by Cabbes and Goyles. Harry felt rather proud as Ron, Neville and Seamus looked at him with pure admiration as they climbed the stairs to the divination room. They sat together at a round table on cushions and there were crystal balls set up in front of them. Ron looked into it and said "Oh look it's Malfoy's thongs" Harry looked into his and saw "Woods boxers. Again! He'd loose his head if it wasn't screwed on properly!" "Can you actually see that or are you making it up?" asked Seamus with a hint of disbelief in his voice. "No I really see them! Sadly enough!" laughed Harry. Before they new it the lesson was over all there lessons were over and they headed to the Gryffindor common room to find Hermoine in a corner crying on Angelina Johnson's shoulder. "It'll be alright Hermoine! There are plenty more fish in the sea!" she said patting her comfortingly on the back. "Dinner will be ready soon though I'm not sure that were having fish!" said Neville looking concerned at how Hermoine was acting. "It's a figure of speech!" replied Angelina "Hermoine's upset because Malfoy's being a pain in the ring piece!" "Want me to sort him out?" asked Ron smacking his fist into the palm of his other hand. "Yeah I'd lurve to see that!" laughed Katie Bell who'd walked in with Wood. "Oh Wood! If I was you I'd hold onto your boxers!" said Harry "Why?" asked Wood a look of concern and fear on his face. "In divination we were looking in crystal balls and you'd lost your boxers again!" replied Seamus. Harry felt something hit the side of his head. He saw a miniature Quaffle at his feet and looked up to see Katie and Angelina glaring at him. 'Oops!' he thought as he laughed out loud getting weird looks from everyone. It was time for dinner so they all headed for the great hall and were the first ones (out of all 4 houses) to arrive. Hermoine had stopped crying and was now laughing at the Weasley twins story about when they set off fireworks in the Slytherin common room and they (the Slytherin scum) were all screaming like a bunch of girls with their panties on fire! Ron was tapping his fingers on the table impatiently and Harry thought, if Dumbledore hadn't walked in he would have begun chanting "I want food! I want food!" Harry saw Professor Lupin come in and he practically ran over to where he sat. "Hi Harry! Ready for double Defence Against the Dark Arts tomorrow morning?" "Uh yeah! Professor I was wondering will be able to continue practising fighting the Dementors?" Harry asked secretly wishing he'd say yes. "Sure Harry! How's Friday for you?" replied Professor Lupin who looked around the room as if waiting for someone. "I was thinking maybe tomorrow," said Harry who was feeling a tad deflated. "No tomorrows no good for me!" answered Lupin who began to fold and unfold his napkin nervously. "Okay Friday will have to do!" sighed Harry "Catch ya later!" "Bye Harry!" Lupin relaxed and began talking to Professor McGonagal who had just sat next to him. In no time at all everyone had arrived and were sitting enjoying dinner. Ron was eating as though he hadn't in months; Hermoine picked at her food and played with it as if she was unsure what it was and Wood kept edging closer to Harry trying to escape Angelina's relentless grasp. Harry only ate a little because he wasn't really hungry. When Ron had finished stuffing his face he turned to Harry and asked in a whisper "So are you coming to Hogsmeade this weekend mate?" "Yeah I think I will!" replied Harry when he remembered the gift he'd gotten from Fred and George. "Do you have a plan to get there?" asked Ron "As a matter-a-fact I do!" replied Harry grinning like the cat that got the canary. (Have I said that before in this fic?) "Care to share?" asked Ron edging closer to Harry so he felt trapped between him and Wood. "You shall find out soon enough my young apprentice!" replied Harry laughing while Ron gave him a "What the hell are you on about?" look. "Star Wars?" "Wha?" "It's a Muggle movie. Forget I said anything!" sighed Harry who began eating the pudding that had now arrived on the table. "Oh Hermoine, you shouldn't let Malfoy get to you!" said Wood who was watching the sad expression on her face. "He was my first true love," Hermoine replied sadly. "True Love?" choked Ron "Please tell me I heard wrong!" "He was so charming, so sweet, so naughty," began Hermoine "STOP!" cried Harry, Ron, George, Fred and Wood at the same time. "Do you think we actually want to know that stuff?" asked Ron who was looking very stunned. "I'm sorry I really am! I just really miss him!" replied Hermoine who began to ball her eyes out and continually bang her head on the table. "Bloody hell! What's gotten into her?" asked Seamus who had begun watching her. "Malfoy!" replied Harry and Ron. Harry and Ron decided they'd go back to the common room were it would be quieter. Harry and Ron had saved some Bertie Botts every flavour beans, chocolate frogs and other goodies and decided they'd eat those. They also took that time to finish their divination homework, which mainly involved dribbling crap and sounding, as though they knew what they were on about. (Or if you're Canadian aboot) "So I wonder what mystical predictions Professor Trelawney will have for us tomorrow!" pondered Ron who was taping his quill on his piece of parchment. "I know everyone should say goodbye to Harry because today will be the lat day he is with us!" replied Harry mocking Trelawney's voice. "Probably, or you wont die today you'll get hit by a rouge bludger that has flown all the way from Afghanistan where it was smacked out of a Quiditch ground with great force and has flown all the way to Hogworts just to knock you over. You shall be greatly hurt but will fight to live another day only to be bitten by a poisonous gerbil while you sleep in the hospital wing!" laughed Ron "GERBIL!" replied Harry who was chocking on a chocolate frog. "Thank you thank you!" bowed Ron "I'm here till. Whenever I leave!" "What's so funny?" asked Neville who had just come into the common room. "Gerbil!" answered Harry who began to giggle insanely as though he was a teenage girl who was hitting on, or being hit on by a teenage boy. "Righty then! I'm going to bed!" said Neville. "Night!" replied Ron while Harry fanned his red face with his piece of parchment. About an hour later the whole of Gryffindor had flooded into the common room and it was now so loud that Harry couldn't hear himself think. "I'm going to bed!" he shouted to Ron. "Same!" replied Ron and they both climbed the stairs to their dorm. They both changed into their PJ's and lay down to sleep.  
  
"SIRUIS BLACK OH SHIT OH CRAP HELP ME HELP ME!" screamed Ron in the middle of the night making everyone leapt out of bed and dash over to see if he was okay. His curtains where ripped and he was shaking like crazy. His face was as white as a sheet of A4 paper and even his freckles couldn't be seen. "No one's here Ron! It must have been a bad dream," said Harry who was looking around as though waiting for Black to leap out and attack him. "Then how come his curtains are ripped?" asked Seamus. "If he was dreaming he may have ripped it when lashing out at Sirius!" said Neville. "Well he's not here now is he!" said Harry  
  
****Behind one of the window curtains****  
  
"Hehehehe that's what you think!" laughs Sirius  
  
****Back beside Ron's bed****  
  
"Did you guys here something?" asked Ron. "Your being paranoid there's no one here!" answered Seamus. "What's going on?" asked McGonagal who had burst in the door. Ron then began to tell her the story (not that she'd be able to understand he was speaking so fast!) "Ron come with me! The rest of you back to bed!" said McGonagal putting her arm around Ron and leading him out the room.  
  
****Behind window curtains**** "Old fool!" cackles Sirius. "I WILL GET THAT LITTLE RAT IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!"  
  
****Near Harry's bed**** "Did you say something Seamus?" asked Harry "Yeah sure whatever!" replied Seamus who was half-asleep and not listening.  
  
****Behind window curtains**** "I am so stoned!"  
  
****Near Harry's bed**** "That's nice Neville!" yawned Harry who rolled onto his side and fell asleep.  
  
The next morning Harry and Hermoine went straight to the Hospital Wing were Ron had stayed the night (McGonagal thinks he may have taken substances which cause him to hallucinate). Ron was sitting wide-awake in bed reading a book. "Morning! Lovely day isn't it birds singing sun shinning oh and look Crockshanks is tightrope walking!" said Ron frantically. "It seems that our friend Ron wasn't hallucinating so the antidote is making him hallucinate!" said Hermoine patting Ron on the shoulder. "Let me guess you read about it somewhere!" laughed Harry while Ron tried to swat "Pink Dragons" that were flying around his head. "It should wear off in about an hour or so," said Madam Pomfery who had walked in. Harry and Hermoine went to breakfast and got Ron some toast that they took back to him in the hospital.  
  
What ever will happen again? Will Sirius get the little rat? Find out when I upload the next chapter! Please review my fic if you like it and if not review anyway! I'd just like to say that I don't have a problem with any of the characters or houses so if it seems like I do I and dreadfully sorry! 


	4. Sirius Black... The Stoner?

Heylo ppls! Thanks to everybody who reviewed my fic! I wrote a Lord of the Rings one, which isn't actually very good but if you get a chance could you pweety pwease, read and review it! A little warning cause I keep getting reviews from ppl saying it's set in 20th century US, If you cared to read it PROPERLY you'd notice the note I left saying I can't write the way Tolkien does. Jesus I can barely read it! So if you don't like LotR fics that aren't Tolkieny, instead of whingeing DON'T READ! Anyways enough of my mindless dribbling (and bitching!) and on with the story!  
  
"Ron, you like as though you've seen a ghost!" said Harry who was looking at his friend who was now s white his freckles weren't visible. He hadn't slept in days for fear Black would come back to get him again! "F. Fff. Fine!" stuttered Ron. He hadn't eaten, which is VERY unusual for him. Harry also hadn't eaten, but he was saving himself for Honeyducks lollies. "Are you sure you want to go to Hogsmeade?" asked Harry, We could skip it and go next time," "Skip it? SKIP IT???" asked Ron drawing attention to himself, "Are you mad? I wouldn't skip it, even if I knew Sirius Black was there waiting for me!" That made Ron a bit uneasy as he thought of the possibility that Black would be there. "It's okay there's Dementors at Hogsmeade, he's never get past them," said Hermoine. Ron glared at her (they're not talking!) then sighed with relief, scoffed a piece of toast in his mouth and shouted, " Let's go then!"  
  
Their trip to Hogsmeade was excellent. Harry got a great kick out of throwing mud at Malfoy (some "accidentally" colliding with Crabbe and Goyle!) but the best bit was when they got back to the tower and the Marauder's Map said some rather nasty, yet bloody funny things about Snape. "Mr Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other peoples business." "Mr Prongs agrees with Mr Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git!" "Mr Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a Professor," "Mr Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slime ball." Harry had never tried so hard to not laugh in his life. As if what the map said wasn't funny enough but the look on Professor Snape's face was absolutely priceless. Luckily Harry managed to escape detention (or worse) when Professor Lupin stuck up for him saying that the map was probably from Zonko's and it was just a joke. Snape decided not to argue but was still noticeably ticked off.  
  
**** In isolation somewhere **** "Oops I sniffed it again!" sung Sirius. He was looking weak, mainly because the only substance he ever consumed was normally that of the illegal variety. He was in trouble for murder and would probably return to Azkaban soon, why not get drugged up while he had the chance. At least he'd have some fun before he got snogged by the Dementors! "So the little piss stained rat thinks he can * hic * survive the wrath of SIRIUS BLACK does he?" He found himself announcing his name as though he were Super-man. Sirius Black betrayer of friends, murder and all round stoner. He feared that's how he would be perceived from then on. "But we won't let that happen now will we Mr. Biglesworth!" he sniggered stroking his leg which he though was a cat. He then picked up his shoe and began talking into it 'Get Smart' style. "Yo Remus my man. Party at my pad tonight!" "Uhoh! Remus forgotses where I livded R. Biglesworth, what a git!" He then giggled madly and fell onto his back, passed out.  
  
**** Back at Hogworts **** "They can't do that! Buckbeak wouldn't hurt a soul!" said Harry. "But he did hurt Malfoy even if he was egging him on." Said Hermoine sadly, wiping tears from her eyes. "Yeah but Malfoy doesn't have a soul! He's a heartless," "POTTER!" shouted a cold voice. Harry turned to see Snape standing behind him arms folded across his chest. "Wouldn't be speaking unkindly of a fellow student now would you?" he asked maliciously. His aim in life was to get Potter in trouble. "Sir, Harry was simply expressing how that Malfoy always gets the attention of his favourite teacher. The only time Harry gets attention for the wrong reason," said Hermoine sweetly. "And what teacher would that be?" asked Snape sounding bored, "Why you, professor," said Ron. Snape looked utterly stunned. He didn't have a response to that; he just stood there looking like a stunned mullet. He then turned and swooped away, his black robes dragging behind him. "And if you believe that you'll believe anything," laughed Harry, Ron and Hermoine.  
  
"Look at him blubber!" said Malfoy when they were at Care for Magical Creatures. Hagrid was still upset about Buckbeak. Have you ever seen something so pathetic?" he asked. Before Ron and Harry could reach him Hermoine had slapped him fair across the face. He even looked as though he might cry. "How dare you call him pathetic you son of a." "Hermoine!" Ron called weakly. He grabbed her hand and stopped her from cursing her with her wand, which she had ready in her hand. Malfoy and his Crabbes and Goyles walked off down the passage way to the dungeons. "Go Granger, Go Granger!" cheered Ron doing circular motions with his arms in front of him. "That felt good" sighed Hermoine straightening herself out and walking to the tower.  
  
"Seen anything yet?" asked Harry as they sat staring into crystal balls in Divination. "Yeah!" replied Ron. "What?" asked Harry stunned "My reflection," laughed Ron. Although Harry had seen Oliver loosing his boxers, he hadn't expected them to see anything else. Must have had a "relaxed conscious mind and external eyes," as Trelawney called it, that day. Hermoine had just walked out and Harry was still rather stunned. Trelawney claims to have seen the Grim again and was convinced Harry was going to die! He figured he'd be subjected to her sympathetic "What a waste" or "Poor boy!" looks till the year was over, maybe longer. He dreaded to think what Malfoy would have to say if he knew.  
  
"So poor boy wonders got a grim after him does he?" asked Malfoy icily when they were at Potions later that afternoon. It was there last lesson before Easter holidays and he really didn't want to put up with Malfoy's crap this late in the afternoon. Or at all for that matter. "Malfoy, is that blush you have on your cheek?" asked Ron. "Oh no my mistake it's just the mark left from when Hermoine slapped you one!" The class roared with laughter but it was short lived. Snape swooped into the classroom like a bat.  
  
The Easter holidays were pretty boring and there was no sign of Sirius Black. Gryffindor had won the house cup and celebrated for at least a week.  
  
**** In isolation somewhere **** "GRYFFINDOR! GRYFFINDOR! GRYFFINDOR!" shouted Black dancing around like a child. (He had gotten the Daily Profit, which said the result) "Well that little Pothead had it in him!" he said. "I personally would drug test him, steroids are destroying Britain's youth! Don't you agree Mr. Biglesworth?" Mr. Biglesworth had now become a rock that lay in the middle of Sirius' "home".  
  
**** Back at Hogworts **** "EXAMS!"  
  
Well that's all for now! If you like read and review if you don't then act like a bat and try to fly around your living room with an ice-cream bucket on your head, tissue boxers on your feet and a black cape! 


	5. The beginning of the end my friend

Well minions! This is the beginning of the end. Or the end, at the beginning or I'm starting to end my fic. Or I'm confusing myself. Most likely the last one! Anyways I have made the rating higher because of swearing and some other naughty little things I have included (I feel so evil. Wait a minute I AM evil! So that's it!) I hope you like it! Onward then TO HOGWORTS! * See ppl leave * Angry Author: And where do u think you're going? Reader: To Hogworts! You said so! AA: BAKA! I meant it as a figure of speech! I have a headache! Where's my painkillers?  
  
  
  
Harry sat up in bed, the curtains closed around him. He had a flashlight and was reading up on some things for transfiguration. He had his exam the next morning and was almost sure he'd fail. At least if he studied he might just get an E-. He heard footsteps on the stairs to the 7th year dormitory and thought it was Percy or Oliver coming in after sneaking out or something. Little did he know that it wasn't in fact a Hogworts student.  
  
Cue gasp *GASP! *  
  
***** The next morning ***** "WHAT THE FUCK?" came a rather loud shout from the 7th year boys dormitory. "What's all the racket about?" asked Ron sleepily rubbing his eyes. Harry sat up and put his glasses on. He pulled open his curtain and scrambled out of bed. By that time everyone was awake and congregating in the common room. Harry and Ron ran up to the dorm in question to find Oliver Wood standing buck naked raiding his wardrobe. He frantically searched but there seemed to be nothing in there. "I'VE BEEN ROBBED BY THE CLOTHES BURGLUR!" he shouted with no regard for his full frontal-ness. "Er. Oliver," said Harry looking at the ground. "Can you erm cover yourself up a bit?" He turned to face Ron who was staring at Olivers. Cough. Wizard hood with shock, jealousy and admiration. "RON!" hissed Harry. "Not now Harry! I'm admiring one of God's creations!" whispered Ron though it was obvious to all in the room he was just coping a perve. Oliver would (much to the author and Ron's disappointment and) covered himself up with the sheet off his bed. "Who? I ask you! WHO???" shouted Oliver shaking with rage. "Who what?" asked Percy who was sitting on the edge of his bed rather puzzled. (He only just opened the curtains) "WHO STOLE ALL MY CLOTHES? I'LL KILL THEM I TELL YA!" Oliver continued shouting while shaking his fist high in the air almost dropping his sheet. "Now, now Oliver! I'm sure your cloths are around here somewhere," said Percy standing up and putting a reassuring hand on Woods shoulder (Author is unaware of where his other hand was reassuring Wood) "Can you see them anywhere?" asked Wood. Percy looked around, hoping that he'd see them he didn't want to have to lend Oliver his clothes again. "No actually I don't," he sighed when the clothes were not sighted. Olivers face began to twitch, he looked as though at any moment he would go to water. "Oh Oliver. Please don't Cr." began Percy but he was cut short by wails of sadness coming from the floor. Oliver Wood lay in a heap crying his beautiful eyes out. He then suddenly stoped and stood up faster than the speed of light. "I KNOW WHO DID IT!" he shouted triumphantly, failing to notice the dropping of his only protection, the sheet. He then headed out the door striding down the stairs and into the common room. He stopped abruptly in front of 3 Gryffindor girls who were sitting giggling in a corner. "You've had your fun now give them back!" said Oliver angrily. "Give what back Wood, I mean Oliver?" asked Cordelia, a red haired 4th year who was struggling to take her eyes off what dangled in front of her. "Don't play dumb you three! You know what I'm talking about!" he growled putting his hands on his hips. Trinity a black haired 4th year looked puzzled at her friend Eve a blonde haired 4th year who shrugged and turned to try and meet Oliver's eyes. But it was to no prevail. A gorgeous 17-year- old Quiditch captain standing buckers in front of you is hard to ignore. "Oliver, not that I'm complaining or anything, but where are your clothes?" asked Trinity. "Stolen, by someone! Someone who had access to Gryffindor tower. SOMEONE WHO LIKED LOOKING AT MY.. BITS!" shouted Oliver. "You three are the most likely suspects!" he added calming down a bit. "We didn't take them we swear!" giggled Eve. "It was probably Amy and Claire Those Ravenclaw girls!" "Yes and I do believe they are friends of yours!" said Percy. "Yeah and?" asked Cordelia. "Look we didn't steal Oliver Wood's clothes though I wish we could lay claim on the marvellous I mean terrible trick!" "Did u." began Ron counting his fingers "The 5 of you plan it yesterday? I bet you did!" "Trinity couldn't have been in on it. She was with me yesterday we were," "Doing homework!" Trinity cut in. "You were doing homework with Harry?" asked Eve "Why?" "Cause he needed help." said Trinity sounding hopeful her friends were having a very blonde day. "Oh okay then!" said Cordy flicking her hair over her shoulder. "That was WAY to close Harry," hissed Trinity when Harry sat down next to her. "Sorry, it slipped" Harry whispered back "Yeah I'll give you it slipped!" growled Trinity quietly. "You'll give him what slip?" asked Ron straining to here them. "A slip. You know piece of paper, to help him for his Potions assignment!" lied Trinity. "Cool, I'll borrow it after Harry I need all the help I can get," said Ron. Harry and Trinity just looked at each other in horror. (Potions not being her specialty). "So. If not you and your friends, who would want to steal my clothes?" asked Wood. "Even my fave pink boxers with lil' duckies and ferrets on it?" "Someone with bad taste," whispered Cordy causing Trin and Eve to crack up laughing. "And what's so funny about my boxers?" asked Wood. "Nothing they sound delightful!" laughed Eve. "Yeah babe chill out!" Trinity giggled. "BABE? BABE?" shouted Harry. He then blushed and quickly said, "He's not a pig," "Nice save!" she said when he sat back down. "I will get to the bottom of this!" declared Oliver. "In the mean time, why don't you get to a clothes shop!" suggested Cordy. "Good idea!" agreed Oliver. He then walked up stairs and slammed the dorm door. The common room erupted with laughter, with Trin falling off her chair in hysterics.  
  
"OMG and it was huge!" gushed Eve to Amy and Claire who while thinking Oliver was hot got a little more information than she wanted. "Oh and it did this little." "EVE!" shouted Claire and Amy at the same time. "What?" she asked innocently. "Thought you ought to know!" "Hey where's Trin?" asked Amy looking around for there darked haired, friend.  
  
***** Behind curtains of Harry's bed ***** "Oh Harry!" screamed Trin "No don't put it there!" "Well where do you want me to put it?" asked Harry laughing. "Here, I'll show you!" said Trinity. Everything went quiet for a minute. "Oh there!" said Harry finally. Claire, Eve, Amy and Cordy looked at one another shocked. "Now you're getting the hang of it! Oh Harry that's it!" said Trinity. "We should do this more often!" said Harry. "Hell yes!" shouted Trin. "I can't take this any more!" whispered Cordy sounding distressed. "TRIN!" shouted a voice a bit deeper than Harry's but the others still thought it was him. "I'M COMING!" screamed Trin before leaping out from behind the curtains (fully clothed) she stopped abruptly in front of her friends and looked at them with a stunned mullet expression. "There you are!" said someone walking up behind Eve, Cordy, Claire and Amy. "Hey Cedric!" waved Trin "Finished with Harry?" asked Cedric. "Yeah for today!" said Trin "Wanna go for a walk?" asked Cedric. "Yeah sure! I'm going Harry!" she shouted "Alright!" replied Harry sounding exhausted "Keep practising gorgeous! Catch ya later!" called Trin who then left with Cedric. The others looked at each other stunned and decided to ask Harry what was going on. They opened the curtains and he fell off the bed in shock. "Couldn't you have knocked?" he asked scrambling back onto the bed with his wand in his hand. "Erm Harry, what were you and Trin doing?" asked Eve uncomfortably. "Nothing," replied Harry blushing a little. "Harry." said Cordy in a tell us or we'll give u smallpox voice. "Okay well you know a while back how a few of Malfoy's personal belonging were floating above the Slytherin table in the Great Hall." Began Harry. "Well I joined forces with Crabbe and Goyle briefly and they put them up there." The girls looked at each other thinking his story was going nowhere and was simply a diversion from the truth. "Well they learnt that from Trinity and now she's teaching me," he said before grabbing a few things and putting them in the air like the g-strings and hand-cuffs had been months before. "Oh so she was teaching you that!" the girls said sounding relieved. "What did you think we were doing?" asked Harry raising an eyebrow. "Oh nothing!" said Eve trying to sound sincere. "Well we better go! Leave you to practise!" and with that the girls left.  
  
Will Oliver would find his clothes and more importantly find WHO STOLE his clothes. Find out when I update the next chapter! In the mean time, throw pot plants at all those who say that Gilderoy Lockhart is cool! Please review my fic! Constructive criticism is welcome but the less negative comments the better dudes :) 


	6. A shocking discovery will not be discove...

Returned I have! Sorry for not warning you about my last chapter with the whole putting in characters that aren't really in Harry Potter. I was going to but it slipped my mind. (Oliver Wood naked. I had an excuse!) Anyways I hope you are liking my fic and if you are you should REVIEW yes that's right REVIEW cause if you REVIEW you will be doing the right thing and I wont have to keep saying REVIEW!  
  
"So he's running around Hogworts trying to find out who stole his clothes!" laughed Trinity who was walking around the grounds with Cedric Diggory. They were to busy laughing that they didn't notice to people walking towards them and they both smacked into them. All four of them fell back on arses and after recovering from the shock looked to see who'd run into them.  
  
"Oh Hey Trista!" said Trinity to the girl she'd smacked into. Cedric just glared at the guy he'd run into. And he glared back.  
  
"Cedric?" asked Trin. "Hello?"  
  
"Oi! Malfoy!" called Trista clicking her fingers in his face. He didn't flinch, he didn't even blink.  
  
"We'll leave these two to look lovingly into each other's eyes shall we," said Trin standing up and helping Trista up.  
  
"Hey! Not funny Trin!" said Cedric snapping out of his trance and standing next to her. Malfoy soon followed. Trista and Trin decided to go see Eve, Cordy, Amy and Claire and left Malfoy and Cedric to have another staring comp.  
  
They met in the Gryffindor common room much to Trista's utter disgust.  
  
"I can't go in THERE!" she shrieked "There's Gryffindor people in there!"  
  
"Very good Trista! It might be because it's the Gryffindor common room." said Trin "God it won't kill you! We have more to worry about, a Slytherin coming into OUR common room!"  
  
"Well quick! I don't wont Malfoy to see," said Trista pushing Trin in through the portrait hole. In the seats near the fire sat Eve, Cordy, Amy, and Claire. In a corner the Weasley twins were disusing something of great secrecy but when the girls sat down the twins left.  
  
"Hey!" said the other girls when Trin and Trista sat down.  
  
"Hey! Oliver still looking for his clothes?" asked Trista.  
  
"Yeah! Honestly you'd think he'd just buy some more!" said Claire.  
  
"Honestly!" mocked Trista "You sound like Granger!"  
  
"I DO NOT!" shouted Claire angrily. She paused to think for a minute before adding, "Okay maybe a bit."  
  
"Anyways as u were saying Claire," laughed Cordy  
  
"He could just buy some more clothes," repeated Claire (minus the honestly)  
  
"Where's he going to get clothes from? He got his from some Muggle shop!" said Trin  
  
"How do you know?" asked Eve  
  
"It says on the tag!" both Trin and Cordy replied before glaring at each other.  
  
"What about Robes?" asked Trista.  
  
"The only place is at Diagon Alley and that's miles away! Besides he'd still need something for under or it would defeat the purpose!" replied Amy (ah she speaks!).  
  
There was silence while the girls imagined. Their fantasies were interrupted when Harry, Ron and Hermoine stormed into the common room and stopped and stared at Trista.  
  
"What are you staring at scar head?" asked Trista.  
  
"You're a Slytherin!" shrieked Hermoine as if she'd just seen a cockroach.  
  
"That's correct Miss Granger!" replied Trista sarcastically. "Glad you noticed!"  
  
"Than what are you doing in here? This is a GRYFFINDOR common room after all!" replied Hermoine.  
  
"She's just chatting with us!" laughed Eve.  
  
"Hmmm!" replied Hermoine storming up to her dorm. The girls jumped when they heard her slam the door. Harry and Ron sat with the girls as they continued talking.  
  
"Harry, is the Quiditch final this weekend?" asked Cordy.  
  
"Yeah! Against Slytherin!" he replied shooting an angry glare at Trista.  
  
"Well you better take some tissues Potter cause were gonna whoop your."  
  
"Wait a minute!" cried Trinity. "How's Wood going to play Quiditch naked?"  
  
"I have no idea!" laughed Harry. "Hopefully McGonagall will be able to lend him some of the spare Quiditch robes. The idea of him playing naked is disturbing!"  
  
The girls all sighed and were about to start imagining it when Wood strutted in. He had on a pair of jeans that were rather tight to say the least and a jumper that had a P on it. It was obviously made by Mrs Weasley and Ron couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous he looked.  
  
"Looking good Oliver!" laughed Eve.  
  
"Oh shut up!" he growled sitting on the arm of Trin's chair (hehehehehe)  
  
"No luck finding them then," said Ron trying not to laugh.  
  
"No! I swear I will throttle the person who did this when I find them!" replied Wood holding his hands in the air and strangling an imaginary person.  
  
They all heard the common room door open and looked towards the entrance.  
  
"Honestly! May as well leave it open!" said Claire.  
  
"Honestly!" said Trin, Trista, Eve, Amy, Cordy, Ron and Harry. As they said that the Weasley twins came in and laughed the moment they laid eyes on Oliver.  
  
"Wha." laughs "What are." laughs "Oh my Lord!" laughs. After about 5 minutes of them trying to speak they finally calmed down and said, "What are you wearing Oliver?"  
  
"What?" asked Oliver looking down at his ensemble. "I happen to think I look very stylish!" he struck a pose that looked like something out of Zoolander. (He's really really good looking!)  
  
"Yes! Dashing!" said Fred sarcastically.  
  
"Any clues as to who stole your clothes?" asked George with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.  
  
"Absolutely no idea!" sighed Oliver.  
  
"Well," said Fred looking at George.  
  
"Well what?" asked Oliver sitting up straight and attentively.  
  
"We know who stole your clothes!" the Twins replied.  
  
  
  
Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I am so evil! A CLIFFHANGER! Not a very good one but HEY! Please review my fic! If you don't like my fic then do the chicken dance wearing a loin cloth and tie a heap of tea bags together and wear it on your head while singing your countries national anthem. New chap up soon! 


	7. The reuniting of a certain cuddly couple

Mwahahahahahahahaha! I was going to try and take forever to write and upload my next chapter but I'd drive myself over the edge (I'm a donkey on the edge!) I hope you are liking my fic! If so PWEETY PWEASE REVIEW! I really really like getting reviews (In case u hadn't noticed!) Also I must give out the biggest thanks to ALZ-CHAN! * cough* read her fics * coughs* Anyways Alz thank you thank you thank you! She did what my muse wasn't doing and gave me inspiration for this fic so thanks a million dude.  
  
Previously on "When boxers go missing!"  
  
"Any clues as to who stole your clothes?" asked George with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.  
  
"Absolutely no idea!" sighed Oliver.  
  
"Well," said Fred looking at George.  
  
"Well what?" asked Oliver sitting up straight and attentively.  
  
"We know who stole your clothes!" the Twins replied.  
  
Hermoine had left Gryffindor tower 5 minutes earlier. She was quite sick of hearing everyone rabbiting on about Oliver Wood's.. erm.. Bits and pieces.  
  
"Hermoine!" called a voice. Hermoine didn't turn around but heard footsteps running towards her.  
  
"Hermoine," the person said again sounding puffed out. She turned around to see Malfoy hunched over with his on his knees panting like a thirsty dog.  
  
"What do you want Malfoy?" asked Hermoine. It took a minute or so for Malfoy to recover but when he did he stood up and said,  
  
"I was just. Er. Wondering." he said blushing.  
  
"Wondering what?" asked Hermoine folding her arms across her chest.  
  
"How you were," Malfoy said quickly. God forbid Hermoine would get the wrong idea.  
  
"Fine, now if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to my common room," said Hermoine turning around.  
  
"But you just came from there," said Malfoy, Hermoine turned to face him. "I saw you come out of there mumbling something about Wood." Malfoy added.  
  
"YOU WERE FOLLOWING ME?!" shrieked Hermoine.  
  
"No. Nothing like that! I was just.. I saw you alone and thought. I hadn't spoken to you in a while and."  
  
"Oh shut up Draco!" said Hermoine rolling her eyes. That stunned Draco, he didn't know what to say. A Malfoy, speechless, that is NOT possible but as Malfoy tried his hardest to think of something to say his mouth was covered by. Well Hermoine's actually.  
  
"I. I. I knew you were gonna do that," said Malfoy who was staring at Hermoine with a stunned mullet expression.  
  
"Uhuh!" she said grabbing his robe and dragging him off.  
  
**** Meanwhile in isolation somewhere****  
  
"Aren't my new clothes just fantastic, darling?" asked Sirius to no one in particular. He spun around like a ballerina.  
  
"Oh and they're soooo comfortable!" he said in an airy-fairy voice. He continued to twirl around the cave he was living in until he was so dizzy he fell over in a heap on the floor. He looked down at the shoes he was wearing.  
  
"I guess high-heels aren't ideal for this sort of thing," he noted. He was talking a little girl's voice, which sounded cute but greatly disturbing coming from a tall and dark man. He then went over and opened a bag that was in the corner that also contained more clothes he had stolen. He then pulled out a bottle of beer and began downing it as though it would disappear in a moment, never to be drunk again.  
  
"Woah! Yeah baby!" he shouted spinning around. "That some good shit!"  
  
He continued to babble incoherently for the next hour, or two, or three.. The rest of the night and ended up smacking his head against the cave wall, knocking him out and giving him a purple bruise, which went quite well with the purple dress, he was wearing.  
  
THE DAY BEFORE  
  
"I'm so sneaky!" said Sirius in a singsong voice as he pranced through a large house. 'Bloody muggles leaving their doors unlocked. Okay so the doors were locked but it's not as though they'd put a charm on it to stop wizards from breaking in!' thought Sirius thinking he was quite a smart prison escapee. 'Oh wait. They don't know 'bout us wizards do they. D'OH!' he thought slapping his head.  
  
He then tip toed through the house, up the stairs and into a room. The only light shinning was that of a misquitoe coil that was burning in the corner of the room. In the pink covered bed lay a sleeping young girl. She looked about 16-17 years old and was sleeping like a baby. Sirius walked over to her closet, sung the door open and tipped all her things (clothes) into a waiting bag, which he stole out of the shed.  
  
"I'm a thief, I'm a thief, I'm a clever, clever thief," he chanted quietly to himself. He then left the house not before raiding the kitchen of the house and hanging the sleeping chawowa (I dunno how it's spelt) upside down from the clothes line by it's tail.  
  
**** Back at Hogworts in the Slytherin common room****  
  
"OH MALFOY!" was the only cries that could be heard coming from the said dormitory which was located in the said house tower, by the said students who were getting up to said.... naughty things  
  
"Not again," sighed Crabbe and Goyle who were sitting in the common looking at Witches Uncovered (A Wizarding Porno mag).  
  
**** In said Dormitory****  
  
"Where have you been all my life?" asked Malfoy canoodling up against Hermoine.  
  
"Well when I was younger I was at Primary School and then I've been at Hogworts with you for the last 3 years so." began Hermoine before being cut off by Malfoy saying,  
  
"You know what I mean," with a twinkle of. Lurve I spose. In his eye.  
  
"Oh you mean." said Hermoine looking under the covers at there naked bodies.  
  
**** In Gryffindor Common room****  
  
"WHO. STOLE. MY.BOXERS!" shouted Oliver loud enough to wake an entire sleeping city. He had the twins pinned up against a wall grasping their throats.  
  
"He looks so sexy when he's angry," said Eve. The other girls all sighed in agreement.  
  
"ANSWER ME DAMN IT!" shouted Oliver. The only response was the twins gasping for air.  
  
"Oliver!" shouted Trinity. "They can't even breathe let alone speak so let them go!"  
  
"Oh. Right." said Oliver letting go of Fred and George. "Sorry guys," he said dusting off their jumpers.  
  
"So." he said impatiently.  
  
"What?" asked Fred.  
  
"Who stole my fucking boxers?" asked Oliver tapping his foot impatiently.  
  
"Oh right," said George. "Well this might sound weird but. It was you Oliver!"  
  
I can imagine you all looking at the screen and thinking what the fuck is she on about now! 


	8. The end my friend/s

This is the last chapter of this fic. Sad I know! I'll probably write a sequel but I'll be glad to have it finished and not have to worry about. Well finishing it! Sorry if my last chapter was a bit hard to follow, I got a little carried away with myself.  
  
Once upon a time, there was a box. A large box. A large wooden box. It lived a normal boxy life in the corner of a bedroom. Despite being an empty box, it felt fulfilled, people would put things on top of it, and they may often sit on it. It had been in that said corner for many many years. One day this boxes, perfect boxy life was thrown into boxy turmoil. The box was filled with many things and put outside the bedroom. It was then mailed away to a far distant land, never to be seen again.  
  
"What do you mean, I did?" asked Oliver looking confused to say the least.  
  
"Well the night of the disappearance, I was asleep when I heard someone rummaging around in the 7th year dormitory." Began Fred. "So I got up to see what was going on, I must have woken George while leaving and he came with me."  
  
"Uhuh, right, okay and what does this have to do with my clothes?" asked Wood not exactly believing what Fred was on about.  
  
"We're getting there!" laughed George. "When we reached the dorm we saw you walking around stuffing clothes into a box. You were sleep walking. You had all your things in that box and then you took off the clothes you were wearing and shoved them in the box." The boys shuddered.  
  
"You then grabbed the box, dragged it down the stairs and left it outside the portrait of the fat lady. The next morning the box was gone." Said Fred.  
  
Oliver Wood stood looking absolutely dumbfounded. "You. You're.. How can that. couldn't have. Are you.? Is this a. Ahh!" The next noise they heard was a massive THUD as he hit the floor after fainting rather dramatically.  
  
Eve, who was sitting on a chair, fell of it in hysterics. Cordy who was standing near the fir place had to hold onto the top of it to stop herself from toppling over. Trista, between laughs, was shouting "Stupid Gryffindor". Trinity and Amy were rolling around on the floor (not on each other) laughing while Claire sat with a serious expression; she seemed to be deep in thought.  
  
"Hey Claire, that was bloomin' hilarious, so why aren't you laughing?" asked Trin (and sadly enough she did just say bloomin' it wasn't a typo and your eyes aren't failing you.)  
  
"What happened to the box?" asked Claire, avoiding Trinity's question.  
  
"Filch picked it up the next morning." Said Fred. "We asked him where it went and he mailed it off somewhere. Apparently there was an address on it."  
  
With that Claire was laughing so much everyone feared she'd wet herself. "Dude that wasn't funny," said Cordy looking at Claire like she was insane (which she is)  
  
"I know where the box is!" Claire replied wiping the tears of laughter from under her eyes.  
  
****In a Slytherin Dormitory****  
  
"Hey Malfoy," said Hermoine.  
  
"Hmm."  
  
"Just wondering but, why do we have to be naked to do this?"  
  
"Cause it wont work other wise silly!"  
  
"Oh!"  
  
"Ready,"  
  
"As I'll ever be!"  
  
"Okay let's do it!"  
  
Malfoy and Hermoine stood up and wrapped the white sheets of his bed around them. They then put white make up on their face and black around there eyes.  
  
"This should scare Potter!" cackled Malfoy.  
  
"Remember when you dressed as a dementor to try and scare him. That didn't end to well for you did it!" noted Hermoine.  
  
"Yes but this time I shall not fail!" declared Malfoy putting his pinkie to his lip.  
  
Out of nowhere comes a giant blow up ball of the earth. It flies through the air hitting Malfoy smack bang in the head.  
  
"Hey what the deal?" shouts Malfoy. "I'll get whoever did that," he added shaking his fist in the air.  
  
"You stole my trademark evil hand thingy," said someone in a grey suit emerging from the shadows.  
  
"Dr Evil?" asked Hermoine.  
  
"That would be me," he replied.  
  
"Now back to you stealing my trademark thingy, I've been frozen for 30 years I don't have many good trademark thingies okay. Throw my a frickin bone here!"  
  
And with that Dr. Evil vanished into the shadows.  
  
"Riiiiggghhht!" said Malfoy raising an eyebrow.  
  
****In the Gryffindor Common Room****  
  
"You know where my clothes are?" asked Wood perkily. (Is that even a word?)  
  
"Yeah! My mum sent me a letter yesterday telling me a great big box arrived at our house yesterday full of clothes." Said Claire.  
  
Before Wood could say anything the door burst open and too large white figures came "floating" in.  
  
"It is I, the ghost of death!" said one who sounded uncannily like Malfoy.  
  
"You're a dick head Malfoy!" said Harry.  
  
The "Ghost stopped in his tracks looked side ways at the other ghost before shouting.  
  
"FUCK!"  
  
"How did you know?" asked the Malfoy ghost putting his hands on his hips.  
  
"Your voice," replied Harry.  
  
"And Death isn't a ghost nor is there a ghost of death but if you or Hermoine over there new that" began Trinity pointing at the other ghost. "You wouldn't have made fools of yourselves and it may have worked. Okay that's a lie it never would have worked but hey"  
  
Hermoine pulled the sheet off as she shouted; "IT WOULD HAVE WORKED!"  
  
Everyone by that point was either shielding their eyes or looking away.  
  
"What?" Hermoine asked angrily.  
  
"PUT SOME CLOTHES ON DAMN IT!" shouted Cordy.  
  
"AHHH!" shouted Hermoine pulling the sheet back over herself.  
  
"Are you two back together or something?" asked Ron.  
  
"I dunno, are we Draco?" asked Hermoine sweetly.  
  
"If you want to be sweetims," replied Malfoy playfully.  
  
"I think I'm going to hurl!" said Trista a hint of Jealousy as she said that. (She wants Malfoy not Hermoine btw! Thought I'd clear that up.)  
  
"Well. erm we'll be going," said Malfoy and Hermoine backing out of the room.  
  
"That is one weird couple!" said Amy screwing her face up in detest.  
  
"Back to what Claire was saying," said Oliver. 'Would you be able to get my clothes back?" His face lit up with hope.  
  
"Umm no! Apparently someone robbed our house last night. The only thing they took was the box with your clothes in it," replied Claire smiling weakly.  
  
"WHAT?!" shouted Oliver in despair.  
  
"Sorry Oliver," said Claire sympathetically.  
  
"Not your fault!" replied Oliver sadly. "I'll be up in my room, in bed."  
  
"Poor thing," said Trin when he'd left the room.  
  
"We should do something to cheer him up," said George.  
  
"Like what?" asked Cordy.  
  
"A Strip show!" shouted Fred.  
  
"You just wanna see Trista naked," laughed Trin. Fred blushed like crazy, his skin blending with the colour of his hair.  
  
"Uncalled for Trin, uncalled for!" said Trista  
  
"Hehehehehe!" Trin giggled evilly.  
  
"Anyways," said Amy impatiently.  
  
"What can we do to cheer the poor bugger up?" asked Cordy.  
  
"I've got an idea!" shouted Trista.  
  
"Uh oh! The Slytherin has an idea" mocked Trin.  
  
"You shut up Gryffindor!" said Trista getting pissed off.  
  
"Make me!" retaliated Trin. (Reminded of my "heeeyyy!" come back. Only my pals will know what I'm on about)  
  
"YOUR SO ANNOYING!" shouted Trista  
  
"YOUR MORE ANNOYING!" replied Trinity  
  
"No you are,"  
  
"No you are,"  
  
"No you are,"  
  
"No you are,"  
  
"No you are,"  
  
"No you are,"  
  
"No you are,"  
  
"No you are,"  
  
"SHUT UP!" shouted Claire, Eve, Cordy, Amy, Fred, George, Harry and Ron.  
  
"Okay," replied Trista and Trin sheepishly.  
  
"Is there anything we can do for Wood?" asked Harry. "I mean unless we get his clothes back or new ones he will still be upset,"  
  
"And naked," sniggered Eve.  
  
"This is a serious matter Eve. Though the idea of him naked is quite funny," said Cordy evilly.  
  
"We could get him new ones I spose," said Ron. "We could all put money in. My mums knows a place and could get some if I spent her the money and a letter."  
  
**** The next day****  
  
The group had collected enough money to get Oliver some new clothes (much to the girls Disappointment) and still had some left over for themselves. Ron's mum got the letter and money early that morning and had the clothes back that night.  
  
"We have a present for you Oliver," whispered Cordy shaking the sleeping keeper awake.  
  
"What? AHH!" said Oliver sitting up straight in bed looking around confused.  
  
"We have something for you," said Ron handing him a box.  
  
"Thanx you guys but it won't replace my CLOTHES!" said Oliver. (As he opened the box and saw what was in it he got up to clothes.)  
  
"We thought you'd like it!" said Amy.  
  
"Thanks you guys," said Oliver getting a little teary.  
  
"No problem," replied Harry.  
  
****In isolation somewhere****  
  
"CLOTHES MORE CLOTHES!" rejoiced Sirius dancing around his cave waving some familiar looking clothes in the air. "Who knew raiding another Muggle house would get me great clothes like these!"  
  
He was about to try on a shirt when he lifted the tag and saw a name written on it.  
  
It read: "Oliver Wood" 


End file.
